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Feeling Little in a Big World

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  • Feeling Little in a Big World

    The car ride was a mixture of silliness (as she played peek-a-boo with her blanket and teddy, not to mention the cars that rolled passed them) and laughter as he subjected her to spontaneous tickling of the ribs, the neck, the legs and the feet. He kept her mind occupied and entertained during their journey to a destination she never questioned. But when he pulled into the parking area, her eyes lit up with elation. Just barely giving him time to put the car in park, she unbuckled herself, flung the door open and excitedly darted off with bear and blanket in hand.

    She had almost made it to the swing set and the jungle gym when he finally caught up to her, grabbing hold of her wrist just a split second before her bare feet would’ve begun stomping on the wood chips which lined the ground of the play area.

    “Stay with Daddy, Princess,” he said in a firm, but still pleasant tone as he gave her diapered bottom a pat.

    He never raised his voice, but his tone and that pat she received made certain the point was clear to her. And she understood. Instantly, her chin lowered and her shoulders shrunk up. Her puppy dog eyes got glassy and she hugged her teddy bear for dear life.

    “BabyGirl, you can’t run off like that. You could get hurt,” he said while kneeling down in front of her, being sympathetic to how she now felt. “Those wood chips would’ve gone right into the bottom of your feet. And that probably would’ve hurt, right?”

    She nodded sheepishly and as he continued to talk to her, she began to regress. At first, it was just subtle clues as she looked around aimlessly at others who were in the park, but before long her steps became as small as she felt and she had trouble focusing on their simple stroll through the park. She saw this great big world around her and it made her feel very little.

    That was the biggest difference of all and perhaps the most defining. She looked and saw the fun in front of her. He looked and saw the danger she never knew was there. And without hesitation, he reacted naturally, protecting her with an instinct only a Daddy could have or understand.

    Clinging to his side, she walked with him across the grass, avoiding the hard stone trails. There were plenty of birds chirping in the trees and plenty of people wandering about, but they still hadn’t taken special notice to her obvious baby appearance.

    Joggers ran by. Dog walkers passed them, but didn’t say anything. Older couples stood by the lake’s edge and watched their grandchildren throwing food pellets to the ducks who were swimming there. A businessman sat on a park bench and chewed on the end of his sunglasses as he engaged in a rather involved cell phone call. A woman sat under a tree and sipped from a water bottle as she delved into the romance novel in her hand. Bicyclers rolled down the nearby bike trail, buzzing passed the speed walkers who were keeping up the pace of their steps with the mp3 songs in their headphones. A collection of college-aged guys commanded a good portion of the field as their game of touch football had gone tackle.

    Everything around her was so busy, so lively. It was a group of people going about life in the usual manner, but it seemed so different than before. She became fascinated with every little thing they did and how they did it and how easy they made it all look.

    Her Daddy stopped at a vending machine, telling her to stay still and not run off. He began slipping coins into the machine as she stood idly by and continued observing the people nearby.

    She hugged her teddy bear and kept nibbling on her pacifier, taking a moment to entertain herself by thrashing her head back and forth, making her pigtails pass in front of her face. Just as before, the pigtail tips tickled the tip of her nose and she stopped thrashing her head to itch the tickle.

    When she did this, she spotted a woman sitting on a bench under a tree nearby. She couldn’t have been any older than her mid-thirties. The woman waved at her in a very maternal way. Lowering her chin shyly, she waved back at the woman in a very little girl fashion.

    The woman covered her face with her hands then peeked through her fingers. They engaged in a fun little game of peek-a-boo. She smiled widely behind her pacifier and began bouncing up and down in place. She felt so little at this point and didn’t want the moment to end.

    But just as it had suddenly begun, this sweet moment which made her feel so happy and little inside was interrupted by something which made her not only feel little, but also reminded her that she was now a baby.

    Her Daddy placed a hand on her diapered bottom, checking for wetness, and then slipped a finger under the elastic edging on the front of her diaper, looking for the same. She was dry, though she did have a fruit flavored bottle of water with dinner before he turned her infantile.

    She turned her attention towards him as he knelt next to her, set the diaper bag down and took out the bottle of baby powder. Pulling the waistband out, he poured a little more powder onto her bottom. Then, he did the same in the front, pulling her waist band out and pouring more into the front of her diaper.

    She looked back at the woman on the bench who had crossed her legs and folded her hands, leaning forward and filling her facial expressions with a sweet adoration as if she were to say: “How adorable. That BabyGirl is getting more powder put in her diaper so the heat of the day doesn’t give her a rash.”

    She was overcome with a babyish feeling as she continued to watch the woman’s reaction. Her face went flush and her skin began to tingle as goose bumps covered her from head to toe. Her mind began racing with so many emotions she couldn’t wrap one single, clear thought around any of them. At one moment, she wanted to crawl up into her Daddy’s arms and the next she wanted to do cartwheels in sunshine. Then she wanted to run up to the woman and hug her, thanking her for being so loving and fun and making her happy, allowing her to be the bubbly little BabyGirl she is inside.

    She wanted to sing. She wanted dance. She wanted to make people smile. She wanted to be played with and tickled and entertained. She wanted to be made to laugh and giggle and bounce. It was a beautiful summer evening in the park and she wanted to tell the world how happy she was.

    Standing up, her Daddy took her hand and they began walking back across the grass. She followed along, skipping with overabundant happiness. She looked at his other hand and saw her baby bottle now filled with apple juice and then she realized their path was going to take them directly passed the woman on the bench.

    She was going to get to see the woman up close! What a wonderful sense of exhilaration she now felt!

    They made their way closer and closer. And before long, the woman on the bench figured out that this bouncing girl walking by with her Daddy wasn’t a baby at all. If the woman had been judgmental, this could’ve been a detrimental experience for the girl, but looking into her happily, excited eyes and seeing the innocent joy that now filled her little heart, the woman smiled adoringly at the bouncing girl and waved playfully as they passed by the bench.

    Though it may have seemed to be the case, the girl wasn’t playing a role. She was living it and the purity in her eyes told the woman everything she needed to know. She had found some kind of happiness that only a select few people ever stumble upon. How she found it was special and unique to her and her alone.

    The most basic of activities would catch her attention and keep it. And the smallest of gestures meant the world to her. With that morale guiding her every decision, the possibility to be hurt emotionally was great, but she no longer feared being hurt. A simple trip to the park had proven to be a rewarding experience she would remember for a long time.

    But even at that moment when her head was in the clouds and her heart was filled with a love she couldn’t fully express but never wanted to live without again, she had no idea what was about to happen to her and how it would take the feelings of “little” and “baby” to a whole new level.

    -----------------------------------------------


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