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Fanny P Wettybottom's everyday tips for horny housewives (...

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  • Fanny P Wettybottom's everyday tips for horny housewives (...

    Excerpt:
    Miss Fanny P Wettybottom's everyday tips for horny housewives from playful pornographic actresses..
    ....

    Tip number 83:
    After your daily enema before your husband returns from work, A small quanitity of peppermint oil, as often found in small boiled lollies once inserted make an excellent mild irritiant that assures whatever hole you use it in is not only minty fresh in taste and scent (should he desire to place his tongue or finger there, or for you to taste on his member later), it will be gushing with enough juices to substitute for the need to have any lubricant on hand. As a bonus, should you use boiled peppermint candy as a suppository, it will add an extra sugar rush to your bloodstream to power you through the nights fun. Plus if it is the lollipop variety, you can leave it in there as a bonus snack for your lover to discover as you pleasure one another.

    ....

    Rejected unpublished manuscript from 1958.

    Feel free to reply to suggest other "tips" that might be found in such a manuscript.
    Note: Some of these may sound very sexist - which is why the alleged fictional manuscript is dated in the 1950's. It is part of the joke, and means you can focus on humor not political correctness if you have any ideas. Also some of these ideas did actually turn up in 'secret womens' good housewife publications of the 30s-50s. So if you can find some real ones - be sure to add them!
    Last edited by Enkil; January 31, 2025, 10:27 AM.

  • #2
    Tip number 68:
    The horny housewife should never wear underwear, especially to bed if possible. Not only will this increase her comfort and hygiene due to the better air flow, it will reduce the chances of a urinary tract infection, allow better temperature regulation as she sleeps, increase the chances someone might want to spontaneously pleasure her., and if they do - allow easier access, with a fresh clean taste and well aired scent..

    Tip number 69:
    If attending a sleep over or slumber party, there is always the concern by the host, attendee or 3rd party of the wrong impression. So should there be any participant the horny housewife does feel any solidarity with, should they be required to share a bed with one or more other attendees to actually sleep, they should position themselves head to foot with their pillows at opposite ends of the bed, positioning herself thus with the one she favors.. This will not only ease any concerns by observers, eliminating any worry about giving the wrong impression, but also once the lights are out, if the wrong impression was correct all along, it will actually give her easier access to her favored participant with the least amount of effort and suspicious sounding movements.
    As a bonus the other participant will be less likely to make a fuss, to bring attention to what the pair are actually up to, both can use their mouths to remove any evidence after by both scooting down a little under the sheets, and if the other participant is of the other gender, the only activities available in this orientation wont result in conception.
    Even if such outcomes were not the intention all along, by following this advise, along with rule 68 too, at some point in the night someone is going to notice.. which could result in a fun interaction, as you can trade their silence on the matter with letting them do as they please to you, in return for doing the same thing right back.
    Last edited by Enkil; January 31, 2025, 10:51 AM.

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    • #3
      Tip number 1:
      Always change your bedsheets regularly during the week, not only will this improve your complection immensely - it will make you less reluctant to do anything in the bed that might soil the sheets.

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      • #4
        Tip number 2:
        If you are a young housewife, you may find you make quite the mess with your husband, particularly if you have not been discouraged from an early age to squirt a little from excitement. Instead of suppressing such outcomes, you should not fear them. If you have this particular attribute, or perhaps like to do a little victory spray at the end; or simply wish to please a husband who finds joy in such games, you can avoid the embarassment of needing to store towels or waterproof sheets in the bedroom simply by using heavy wool blankets on the top layer of your bed. Then be sure to only engage in intimate activities while on top of the sheets. Not only will nobody suspect a thing, these type of sheets tend to be more absorbant than towels, and remain warm even when wet. If you find them too warm in summer, fear not, they are only there for show, you can simply fold them up at the foot of the bed until needed, or you could simply sit on that end of the bed when engaging in activities that might leave a wet spot.
        Last edited by Enkil; January 31, 2025, 10:07 AM.

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        • #5
          Tip number 0:
          There is no reason preventing you from calling your lover a husband, particularly in public. If anything while engaging in public shows of affection or activities that might be considered by some as indecent, many will turn a blind eye to such activities if they get the impression you are newlyweds. Just be sure that such games are only played where onlookers are unlikely to know you or your family, to avoid awkward conversations later.

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          • #6
            Tip number 3:
            The surgeon general recommends that all wives only engage in sexual activities with a full bladder. The is for several reasons, the official reason is it prevents infection as urinating after the encounter will flush away any bacteria. The unofficial (and likely real) reason for such an odd health warning to be given in a decade of such prudish values - is it improves the general hygiene of the female population, as any wife doing this will also immediately discover that urine is probably one of the most effective chemials for dissolving semen - thus almost entirely eliminating the conditions that lead to inconvenenient female odors caused by thrush or yeast infections. Also using soap in your vagina - never do this. Literally anything, including urine and water is better if you don't want to suffer from thrush and painful rashes your entire life. It is almost like god is telling you to play pee games..

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            • #7
              Tip number 4:
              As a bonus to tip 1, 2 and 3, if a housewife is ever woken in the night by the need to pee, this can be an excellent time to engage in sexual games, without even needing to leave the bed all night. Just throw the damp heavy blankets in the hamper when you are done, and go back to sleep. Then change the sheets after he goes to work with smile on his face the next day.

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              • #8
                Tip number 11:
                If you have a weak bladder, or tend to leak, deliberately or otherwise, carry a bottle, drink more water and wear a skirt. The urine will be clear, and have no smell. If the skirt is short simply arch your back a little and let it drip as you go about your day, if the skirt is long, simple stand on some grass with your legs slightly apart. If you like doing it deliberately, especially with your husband, this means you can claim to simply have spilled some water too.. just show them the bottle.

                Tip number 12:
                If you are the sort of horny housewife that goes out of her way to make things wet, or she or her husband has a fondness for golden showers and wetting is a desire to please - then a day at the beach is an excellent way to indulge these regardless of which party is the one who enjoys it. Be sure to pick a beach lacking in both change rooms and toilets. Then regardless of what a housewife is wearing, be it a bathing suit, shorts, pants or summer dress, she can simple remove her shoes and frolic on the sand at the edge of the water, and have at it. Any wet marks can simply be blamed on splashing water, and as salt water is an excellent stain remover any yellow marks can be faded or removed entirely with a handfull of sea water rubbed on it discretely.

                As a bonus, if the housewife is not actually into pee play, should she wear a swimsuit, she could make sure the water makes it wet, then put her street clothes back on over the top, leaving a wet mark, that she can allow her husband to pretend is not sea water at all. On the other hand, if she does enjoy pee play, or simply enjoys making her husband excited by doing it in front of him, this same strategy can allow her to leave the beach to continue such games to her (or his) hearts content the rest of the day.
                If explanations are asked for about the state of the clothes on her lower body, then they need only point out that there was no change rooms, and she was too shy to get changed on the beach, and left her wet bathing suit on under her clothes. Nobody needs to know nor would have the crudeness to ask if it was anything other than sea water running down her leg. But should someone do so, they can be ostracised and shamed publicly for saying such a perverted thing about their shy wife.
                Last edited by Enkil; January 31, 2025, 11:25 AM.

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                • #9
                  Tip number 70:
                  A pillow makes an excellent way to muffle your moans, should being overheard be a concern.
                  Last edited by Enkil; January 31, 2025, 11:22 AM.

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                  • #10
                    Tip number 34:
                    To avoid missing out - Always be open minded, and aware of your surroundings. You never know when an opportunity to do something naughty might appear, and there are many things that might not occur to you that people find sexy if you were not paying attention to catch them. You might make a new special friend and have a lot more fun that day with your husband than you expected.
                    Last edited by Enkil; January 31, 2025, 11:18 AM.

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                    • #11
                      Tip number 71:
                      Tableclothes make an excellent opportunity to drop something for him to pick up. Especially if you also follow tip 11 or 68. If the table is in a public place like a restaurant, it makes it all the more naughty. He can watch you indulge tip 11, or be a discrete invitation to pleasure you under tip 68.
                      If you are into tip 11.. be sure to loudly drop your cup on the floor afterwards.
                      Last edited by Enkil; January 31, 2025, 11:30 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Tip number 72:
                        If there isn't a tablecloth, the rear seats of an empty bus, a dimly lit corner booth with bench seats, a sheltered park bench or a rest room work just as well, and not just for joining the mile high club.
                        Last edited by Enkil; January 31, 2025, 11:23 AM.

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