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**Patches** · September 17, 2018, 07:39 AM

Hi Vic,

I have some advice to offer and I hope others will chime in with additional thoughts on what directions you might try to find what you are looking for. I want to applaud you for having the courage to move on with hope instead of dropping into a depression and isolating yourself from others.

First, don't use an escort service! Most of these girls are drug addicts and are just going to try to get as much money from you as possible to feed their habit (and possibly rip you off or make money for a pimp). They will probably supply you with the "service" you are requesting but you will be at considerable risk.

My suggestion is to go slower, save money, and reduce your risk while finding someone who will engage in watersports activity with you. You can do this by going to https://www.meetup.com/ which is a safe website to join. In the search area near to top of the meetup page, enter your city and the distance from that city to use as your search area. To find a group that may cater to your interests, enter words like "bdsm, fetish, tantra, polyamory, cuddle" but do not use "watersports" because that will only identify groups who like activities out on a lake or other body of water.

The list of words I have given you goes from the most likely to help you find a group that may have people with interests similar to yours to the least likely but don't rule out the least likely either. Groups may be closed to non-members so you will have to join to get contact info about the group's leaders but there should be a brief description about the group that you can see without joining. Once you can contact a group's leader, ask them if any people in the group may be interested in _____ (and let them know exactly what you are looking for). Closed groups definitely protect members and keep everything confidential so ask for what you want. A group's leader will let you know if you may find what you are looking for. Open groups usually protect confidentiality too and you can always ask that your questions be kept confidential just to be on the safe side. Obviously groups that are identified with words like "tantra, polyamory, and cuddle" may have leaders who do not feel their group has anything to do with peeing so you may have to go to some meetings and get to know some members before you rule out the group as having nothing to offer you. It will be up to you to identify anyone in the group who may have an interest like yours and be willing to meet you outside the group meetings. (Many women consider meeting with a group as a safe place and may not want to meet outside the group setting before they get to know you well.)

I hope my suggestions help you find a new "playmate" who shares your interests but is not looking for a romantic relationship. I wish you luck in finding a new "pee buddy."

Patches

**PP1** · September 17, 2018, 11:34 AM

You have my sympathy, Vic. I'll second what Patches said about escort services--STAY AWAY. If you're in the US or Western Europe, you'll have to spend several hundred dollars an hour to get a quality escort. Otherwise you're likely to get the kind of woman she mentioned. In addition, there is no guarantee that you'll get a someone to indulge your urophilic fantisies even though you're paying for her company.

You're 60 and looking for a gal who resembles your departed wife when she was 25 years younger. That's a sure bet for a very short fling. You'll be as different from her as you are from your kids--they're of another generation.

Having a "playmate" you screw once or twice a month is not the same thing as having a loving partner. With a playmate, either one or both will soon tire of the relationship and you'll be back to square one with all that entails.

I'd suggest looking for someone with an eye toward developing a lasting relationship based on trust and respect. And above all, don't judge her in comparison with your late wife. Based on your expressed feelings for Marie, everyone else will fall short.

At 60, you'll be lucky to get a handfull of years for sexual activity, and I seriously doubt that you'll be able to satisfy a woman who's in her 30's.

What you can expect is 20 or more to enjoy life itself. Having a partner is by far the best way to pass them. Of course sex is fun, but it is not the most important thing in the lifes of us senior citizens.

**Vic** · September 17, 2018, 01:30 PM

Hi & thanks for responding. Patches & PP1, you are both right, and I appreciate your responses.
Back "in the day", when I or one of my college buddies were about to do something STUPID as the result of youthful "testosterone poisoning", we would say- "DUDE! Let the BIG head do the thinking"!!
Funny how it is still so true, even now, when I have a full head of gray hair.
I am scrapping the "escort idea".
I knew inside that what you two said was true, even before I posted, I guess I just needed to see it in print.
The only thing that made this "survivable" for me was that my precious Marie had the very BEST physicians and facilities. I have several friends who are MDs, and they all agree that Marie's specialists were "Mayo Clinic" caliber.
It just was gonna happen, no matter what.
I just feel "adrift" at this point in my life. I don't have a "road map" for how to proceed. (To those under 30- A "road map" is a non-interactive GPS printed out on a large, colorful, sheet of folded paper).
My years with my treasured Marie are paradoxically like both an eternity, and a "blink of an eye".
Treasure those you love. Treasure them FIERCELY. The time is so short.
Thanks- Vic

**Sixes** · September 18, 2018, 12:08 AM

There is a contact site called Seeking Arrangement. Half the girls are scammers, half the rest (especially in big cities) are "escorts". But, of the remainder, I have made some really good friends.

It's expensive and can be very frustrating but may be worth a try.

**Patches** · September 18, 2018, 08:48 AM

Hey Vic,

One additional thought if you try going the meetup.com route: if you ask a group leader about a watersports activity you are seeking and that person tells you that you won't find it in this particular group, ask him or her if they know of any other group in your area that may offer something with your particular interest.

Most group leaders know of other groups in their area that are similar to the one that they lead. This person may be able to direct you to a group that will have people with an interest similar to yours. Sometimes the name of a group may be a little misleading about what they are really about so your own search won't find them. It never hurts to ask for a referral to a different group.

Patches

**Vic** · September 18, 2018, 10:00 AM

Patches- Many thanks for the "meetup" idea, I'd never heard of it. May well give it a try, I vacillate back & forth as to whether I'm actually ready to move ahead or not. My Dear Marie & I actually had a hypothetical discussion about what we each might do in the case of the other dying first (back when she was healthy).
She told me that if I sank into some deep depression, she was gonna be FURIOUS with me! Marie's sister tells me she thinks I'm handling things fairly well, & that if I met someone new she would be supportive.
I told Marie I hoped she would do whatever was comfortable for her, but that if a New Guy didn't treat her right, I'd be back with a VENGEANCE. As far as for me, I told Marie that I couldn't really imagine the idea of being a widower, didn't know WHAT I'd do. That's sort of where I am now, in limbo, but managing.
Thanks again for the ideas- Vic

**Paul Tester** · September 18, 2018, 02:28 PM

Vic,
Despite your obvious and admitted interest in Watersports, which is why you are posting here, I would suggest downplaying this side of your 'requirements.' In my past I have had relationships with ladies which started with no mention of my fetish. I only admitted that to them much later when we were close, and in every case, she said that she di not think it abnormal, or abhorrent. One lady became quite an enthusiast, but that relationship failed for other reasons.
Think what your 'prime requirement' is. Do you want a close partner and friend, or simply someone for 'pee fun.' If the latter, you might be disappointed or meet with many who will only offer that service for payment. Someone who is close to you might develop an interest in watersports just to share with you.
Also, try to forget your past, happy, relationship, and start with an open mind. Nobody is likely to replace you last partner, but someone new could be the start of something new.

I made the mistake of trying to find an identical replacement for a lost partner, and that ruined my next relationship.

**Vic** · September 18, 2018, 09:07 PM

Paul- Thanks for your perspective, but pee play is secondary, not an absolute requirement. I�m not looking to hit the �reset button� on my life and find a new wife, just hoping I might find a woman in a similar situation to me that would enjoy occasional opposite sex companionship, and yes, mutual physical pleasure.
Don�t really know what I will end up doing, if anything. Just sort of feeling my way through dark, uncharted territory.
Best wishes- Vic

**Guest** · September 18, 2018, 10:52 PM

Vic, you are on a hiding to nothing, sorry to sound so brutal, but that's the way it is.You will NEVER find a replacement for your wife, and you don't even want to think that way, I spent years trying to replace a girlfriend, nobody even came close, then one day I stopped trying and just went with the flow. As a result I have now been married to a wonderful woman for the last 19 years, and life is great, she eventually came around with the WS and now indulges quite willingly, in fact, we are going out on Wednesday night and I asked if she was planning to wear her new long boots, she replied, "no, because I don't want to get them wet yet", yesterday she sent me a text message while I was at work saying she fancied a bit of fun when I got home, I'd had a shit of a day and when I got home all I wanted was to pop to my local pub for a couple of beers and a meal.she was all dressed up, tight wet-look leggings, a black top, and long shiny black boots, but she put her coat on and came with me to the pub anyway, she's just turned 60 but still has a decent body and turns heads.
I'd been to loads of clubs and tried dating sites, but I met her at a mate's barbecue of all places.
Just relax Vic, don't stress, just go out and enjoy yourself, I bet you met your late wife somewhere normal, the same thing will happen again mate, just go out and let things happen.
Best wishes, Phil.

**Patches** · September 19, 2018, 06:47 AM

Vic, in light of the recent suggestions and your responses to them, you might want to look for a meetup using "cuddle" to find a group. Any groups you find will be part of the "Cuddle Party" movement which you can read about at http://www.cuddleparty.com/

I personally know of one guy who met a woman who not only became a cuddle buddy outside of cuddle parties but also indulged in various forms of pee play! I know "cuddle" was the last suggested word I gave you for finding groups on meetup but I included this word because of this couple I know who met this way at a cuddle party and eventually became "wet" friends!

**Vic** · September 19, 2018, 10:26 AM

Patches- Interesting concept. It would most definitely fall under the heading of "pushing the envelope" for me, which was one of the things my beloved Marie took great "faux evil" pleasure in to help me overcome my quite "starchy and stilted" upbringing.
Thanks so much for your advice, and for all the other folks who spoke up. After all, the last time I was "in the market" was 35+ years ago! Frankly, I'm not really sure I'm "in the market" now.
For example, I still am wearing my wedding band. I haven't had it off in 25+ years. I haven't been physically ABLE to take it off in that time. I still had some more growing to do when we married, my finger (including knuckle bone) has grown larger that the inner diameter of the ring, like a tree around a wire fence. Seems sort of symbolic, actually.
A friend of mine good-naturedly ribbed me- "Gonna be hard to get laid wearing that ring"! That was about 3 months after Marie passed- I glared & replied- "Thanks for the pointer". He kinda hung his head, muttered "Sorry".
He meant no harm, but I just WAY wasn't ready then.
The only way it can physically COME off is to be CUT off. Not sure I can do that yet, and if I can't do that, how can I pursue even a casual relationship?
Anyway- I am truly thankful for the advice & insights. God knows HOW much I'd have to spend for this much excellent psychotherapy!
With gratitude- Vic
P.S. Any futher insights totally appreciated!

**Patches** · September 20, 2018, 04:22 AM

Hey Vic, you can get your old wedding ring off by going to a jewelry store where they sell wedding bands. They will have a cutting tool for removing the ring without causing any damage to your finger.

As for whether you are ready to get out there and "test the waters" (pun intended), you have already shown the courage to post your concern here to seek advice. That is a good thing because it shows you are not ready to become a recluse and hide away with old memories as your only source of comfort. You will need to try new things which requires moving out of your comfort zone, overcoming your fears, and mustering the courage to try new things. This is why I suggested going to a cuddle party as a safe way to mix with new people and get the nurturing touch we all need.

Take a look at the rules of cuddling at http://www.cuddleparty.com/rules/ and you will see that it is a non-sexual event where you need to ask permission before touching anyone and be as specific as possible about how you want to touch someone. Everyone's boundaries are respected and verbal consent must be given before touching anyone. The emphasis is on making this a safe environment for all. There are trained facilitators to help and to enforce the rules. Notice rule number 2 that you don't have to cuddle with anyone at a cuddle party. You can go to one of these and just observe. I think this is the perfect place for you to start to venture out from your shell and meet new people. Even if you decide to just observe at your first cuddle party, I bet you can't go through the whole event without asking for and receiving a hug!

**Vic** · September 20, 2018, 05:20 AM

Hi Patches, and thanks again. About the wedding band, I meant I wasn�t sure I was ready from an emotional standpoint to cut it off. I have a well stocked workshop with tools that could easily snip it in two without injury to my finger. I am possibly thinking that when I AM ready to cut it, to then take it and her two rings to a jeweler and have them linked together like a chain, then displayed in a shadow box frame with a picture of us behind them.
I will consider your idea and kind advice.
Thanks again!!- Vic

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